Super Parody Mode
by LordYuuma
Summary: In a world filled with clichéd Add x Eve stories, one author rises and emphasizes Rena's breasts to an extent bigger than their size. Or not. Nothing's bigger than Rena's breasts.
1. Prologue

"Yay, a fic that is primarily about Code Nemesis," Eve introduced the reader to the first chapter of this new lemon, that popped up on the front page of the Elsword section.  
"Hey, it also contains Lord Knight," Elsword said. "Plus another ship and minor characters. You are not going to be the lead and it is not Opposite Day."  
Eve ordered Elsword to look at the author's name and the fic's title, then back to the fic itself. Then again to the name, then to the fic. "Sadly, you are mistaken. Which leads us to the main point of this: I'm awesome," Eve concluded.  
"I like it, when Eve tries to be important," Rena said smiling. "She's so cute, when she thinks, that her existence makes any difference to us." Rena patted Eve's head, who was angry at her, because of the comment, but could not cause any harm to a person, who was this caring about her hair. Caressing it with one hand, Rena used the other to pull Eve towards her and tried to make it look like Eve intentionally fell into her enormous cleavage, which was only averted by Moby and Remy helping Eve to regain her normal posture.  
"I see, what you did there!" Eve said.  
"Rena, please don't tease my like that. For a moment, I thought, that you were a lesbian," Raven said, not exactly pleased by that idea.  
"Aww, come on, Raven. You know, that you are the only one, who is really allowed to touch them, don't you?" Rena asked. Raven stared at her chest, as she was ready to have it massaged by him at virtually any time.  
Having established the main ships, the author decided to take a break and masturbate before continuing.

"So wait, I'm shipped with Rena?" Eve asked confusedly.  
"Nah, CN x LK OTP," Elsword lampshaded.  
"Oh, you want to be whipped? That can be arranged," Eve said and pulled out the item she just mentioned. Elsword got naked and went down on his knees.  
"I never knew, that Elsword was a masochist," Rena said. "I mean, it was implied, when he war roasted by Aisha, slapped by Eve, impaled by Ara and burried by Lu, but to think, that he would be able to jerk off to something like this", she continued, while the combination of her presence and her unwillingness to leave made it hard for Eve to actually inflict pain to Elsword the way she intended to. After all, this was supposed to be an intimate moment between the two of them.  
"Elsword, we need to delay this a bit," Eve said and sighed.  
"My job here is done," Rena said and left. Eve got angry and slapped Elsword, who had nothing to do with this at all.  
"Should I get naked again?" Elsword asked.

Eve had successfully chained Elsword to his bed, when in the moment, she actually could have started to do the really juicy stuff, they were interrupted by his sister entering his room without knocking.  
"Why does your sister enter your room without knocking?" Eve asked Elsword and immediately slapped him.  
"To advance the plot," Elesis said.  
"This thing has plot?" Eve asked.  
"Wasn't the plot you being awesome?" Elsword referenced the first paragraph.  
"Also, is 'being awesome' defined by the amount of sex scenes one has?" Elesis asked.  
"Yes," Eve answered. "This is a lemon, what would we do without Fanservice?"  
"Well, we can squish the lemon later," Elsword said, still bound. "Let's advance the plot!"

Elesis led Elsword and Eve to Add, Eve's stalker, who being the Mastermind that he was recently discovered search engines.  
"Yay, advanced technology. Clearly, this is as good as Nasod," Eve said sarcastically and coughed.  
"Are you alright?" Elsword asked, interpreting her coughing as a sign of sickness.  
"You fools are too blind to comprehend the full potential of these machines," Add said. "For you see, I happen to have researched this topic and now it gives my access on Eve's code without me having to even lay a single hand on her. AHAHAHAHA!" Add laughed evilly. "You didn't need to narrate that, it was already written in a way, that readers would have understood, what kind of scene you were trying to portrait", he corrected the author.  
"Wow, that moment of success," Eve said in a cold and monotone voice, not very impressed by his superior skill. She yawned.  
"I could still just disassemble you," Add threatened. "You should know yourself, how low tier you are."  
"I don't care," Eve responded. "I have more important things to do. Like not giving a fuck on your implementation of artificial intelligence on floating vibrators. You will never get a chance to use them." Eve took one of Add's vibrators, I mean dynamos, and shoved it into his ass, then she put another one in his mouth and remote controlled them to vibrate at full power. "Have fun with your 'science'", she wished him before leaving, pulling Elsword after her, who was on a leash.

"Now to some actual plot," Eve said and pulled out a picture of Rena's breasts out of her voluptuous robot butt.  
"How did you do that?" Elsword asked.  
"I happen to be able to 3D print about anything," Eve explained. "Yes, even human babies, should you ever need one."  
"You can get pregnant?!" Elsword asked.  
"That's a crude simplification," Eve said. Now Elsword needed to be careful, as he was not yet ready to be a father. Wait, did that sentence just now suggest, that they already had sex?  
"Anyways, as 2D is just flattened 3D, the printing of photos is pretty easy," Eve finished her justification of her ability to create painted paper out of thin air.

"Rena, your boobs are so big, if you were to print them, then the paper would still bend, because they're incompressable," Raven said.  
"Oh, Raven, I am so flattered," Rena responded. Having Raven's arm permanently sticking to her upper regions certainly was a good idea, as it helped seducing him and seducing him kept his thoughts away from...  
"Seris..." Raven remembered and immediately stopped massaging Rena's breasts.


	2. Title Drop

"Super Parody Mode activated!" Eve shouted interrupting Rena's and Raven's sexy times. In the meantime, we had our sin counter incremented by one because of the title drop.  
"What's a 'Super Parody Mode'?" Elsword asked, potentially risking major spoilers to occur as part of the explanation.  
"`super-parody-mode' is a minor mode, which transforms the previously typed paragraph into a joke of similar content after RET is typed into the buffer. You can change this behaviour by customizing the variable `super-parody-when', which is a list of keys, after which `super-parody-mode' will react on the region between the last execution (where `super-parody-marker' has been set) of the command and the current pointer location. By default, after `super-parody-mode' has been toggled for a buffer, the `super-parody-marker' will be set at the end of the buffer. You can manually set it to the current position by calling `super-parody-set-marker-at-current-position'," Eve cited some sort of documentation.  
Elsword stopped listening after the word "minor mode," as did Rena and Raven.

"I still can't believe, that I'd grief this much because of Seris' death," Raven said.  
"That old story again?" Eve asked. Being constantly reminded of Raven's tragic past annoyed everyone to some extent, even Rena, although she was more motivated to make him stop by making him feel better than the rest of the party, which tried to ignore him as good as possible, whenever he started talking about this. Eve hated it even more, as usually afterwards he would go on rambling about how much he detested Nasod, most of all his right arm, because it hurt, when he touched his lower regions with the metal claws and it took him years to realize, that his left arm could also have been used for such purpose. Since Eve was the Queen of the Nasod (a race, which at the point of this writing has a total population of 1 across the entirety of the continent, not counting her modules and Add's vibrators), she did not want any of them insulted in such a way and thus she got angry even way before he'd actually start opening his mouth.  
"Go fuck yourself in C," Raven said.  
"Well, I could do that somehow, but most of my code should be safe now," Eve responded.  
"Wait, your breast size is C?" Elsword asked and fetched a tape to measure it. Eve used deep magic to make her bosom fit the desired specification.

Elsword's nose started to bleed. "What's wrong?" Eve asked. "The implementation of this feature is very simple. All you need is a 3D printer and..."  
Raven stopped her, as he did not want to hear about the details. Elsword passed out. Eve sighed. "Now I need to take care of him," she said and pulled out a pair of tissues, hoping that they could cure this strange debuff.  
"I'm still grieving for Seris," Raven stated the obvious.  
"I can help you get over her," Rena said. "Just cum in me."  
"You mean 'come with me', right?" Raven asked.  
"I know, what I said," Rena said.  
Then they had sex.

Meanwhile, Add managed to pull his dynamo out of his ass. It was buried deeply and ruined his intestines. Also it now smelled like poop. "How did she manage to have it crawl even deeper?" Add asked himself. "I could swear, that she only inserted the tip..."  
Add decided to wash himself and his dynamos to get the smell away. Unfortunately for him, he did not notice Elesis, who was about to take a bath herself. "Pervert!" Elesis screamed, when she saw the naked Add entering the bathroom. She threw her shampoo at him and it hit his head.  
"Ah!" Add exclaimed.  
"What were you trying to do?" Elesis asked in an angry fashion.  
"I just had my anal virginity taken by my own invention and you think, I would still be interested in sexual intercourse, then..." Add was interrupted by Elesis hitting him again, this time with her sword. He forgot, that there existed only one person, with whom she would have liked to have this kind of discussion and that was her own brother. Yes, Elesis wanted to do Elsword.

"Come on, Elsword. Wake up. Your sister is going to rape you." Meanwhile, Eve still had to tend to Elsword, in case that the dialogue did not already suggest that.  
"That's what you get as a non-human, when dating a human!" Rena said.  
"That applies to you and Raven as well!" Eve countered. "Now help me."  
"Come on, Rena," Raven begged her. "Maybe just cast Airelinna once, so that she's happy."  
"Are you happy, when she's happy?" Rena asked.  
"I'm happy, when you are happy," Raven answered.  
"And what about Seris?" Rena asked.  
"What's a Seris?" Raven asked, having apparently forgotten his ex after Rena proved to be better in bed.

"Ahahahaha! I have your code," Add said, finally having found Eve.  
"Insert your vibrator into your ass yourself. I need to take care of Elsword and for that, I will have to meet an alchemist," Eve said and left.  
"As if I'd voluntarily have my butt penetrated," Add said.  
"Surprise buttsex!" Chung said, grabbing Add from behind.  
"Let me go!" Add ordered him and Chung did so. Not because he wanted to obey Add's command, but because he only meant it as a joke. "It's not funny, when you do that. Also you look like a girl", Add said.  
"So, you think girl's can't rape you? You'd be surprised," Chung said.  
"Technically, I was already raped by Eve," Add explained.  
"Well, she used your tools, so I would not really say that," Chung found one flaw in his logic. The other was, that Eve was in no way stimulated by his pain, so she was not having sex, only Add was being "pleasured" by his device.  
"That sounds so wrong," Rena said.  
"I don't want to talk about it," Add said.  
"Oh, come on. You'd me more surprised by what Ara can do with her tails," Chung said spoiling that he already established a relationship with her, in which he knew such kind of things.  
"What CAN Ara do with her tails?" Add asked.  
"Surprise buttsex!" Ara yelled and grabbed him from behind, raping him.


	3. The Contract

In an unfortunate turn of events, Add discovered, that he was in fact Sho Minamimoto. "You zetta sons of digits! Where's your garbage?" he yelled and easily defeated the others and thus claimed Spot #1 on the Ranking. The author continued to use him as the one to make mathematical references at all time as opposed to the references to computer science, that KOG tried to do with Mastermind. Yeah, that didn't work too well, he's more of a phys guy, really. Especially, when the computer science jokes that they already use with Eve are pretty lame and Eve is a machine for fuck's sake. 

Talking about Eve, she is currently dealing with a hangover.  
"I knew it! You drank too much wine again, didn't you?" Elsword asked angrily.  
"Shut your mouth! I can hold my liqour!" Eve yelled back in fury.  
"No, you can't," Elsword said. And unfortunately for Eve, he was right with that. No one was happy with grumpy hangover Eve and her behaviour in her drunk state was not much better. Although she herself find even the worst "knock, knock" joke hilarious, once she does consume said alcohol.  
"Yes, I can!" Eve refused to believe him. "And as you are already established to be my slave in the first two chapters, you don't have the right to object!"  
"Objection!" Aisha yelled. "I can make him my slave instead. Then you would be all alone."

A cat fight between Aisha and Eve ensued, which none of them won. "Ah, my head hurts," Eve moaned.  
"Don't use moan in a fic, that already talked about sex! People will not notice the difference!" Aisha broke the fourth wall.  
"Slave, come here," Eve ordered.  
"Wait, since when am I your slave?" Elsword asked. Eve pulled a contract from her ass, which was signed by Elsword.  
"I... I don't remember ever having seen this document," Elsword said in astonishment.  
"Too bad that your name is on it," Eve said.  
Having beaten Elsword into submission, Eve began to gently smile.

Rena's breasts were still not big enough, as Raven could still grief over Seris. This made Rena sad, as with each moment he thought about some dead woman being dead, he neither thought about nor touched her breasts, which she really wanted him to do, as she was in love with him and love can only be expressed through massaging your partner's breasts. Damn, am I glad that this fic is rated M.  
Rena let out a sigh, showing all the negative feelings she has build up in the last paragraph. "Is something wrong?" Raven asked and sat next to her.  
"Raven, I love you, and the offscreen sex, that we were implied to have, was amazing, but..." Rena started, but for some reason paused to take a breath. Raven quietly looked at her, somewhat wondering whether she was going to friendzone him. "I don't think you take me seriously when you still spend more time thinking about Seris than thinking about me!" She finally said it. She let it all out. Raven nodded in agreement a bit lost in thought. "RAVEN!" Rena yelled at him and he panicked, asking himself, what he did to make her upset. Did he stare too much at her boobs, are her eyes actually part of her head? Maybe it would make a difference, if he was looking straight into her eyes, but if he were to do that, he would only be remembered of...  
"I'm sorry," Raven said. "Her face just... won't go out of my head." Raven tried to suppress his tears, but failed to do so.  
"Come here," Rena said and pressed him into her chest. Her soft, bouncy boobs emitted warmth, a thing, Raven was not used to, always sleeping in the cold.

"Okay, cut the crap, Add is here to destroy this ship!" Add yelled and interrupted their pseudoromantic moment, that was actually in no way romantic and shouldn't be. Why do people even write stuff like that?  
"Hey! Don't do that. Let them continue!" Eve yelled.  
"Give me your code!" Add then yelled towards Eve.  
"Haven't you already found it in the first chapter?" Eve asked him.  
"It turned out to be a fake," Add said disappointed. He also forgot, that he should be crappy maths and physics guy, as the computer science jokes with him weren't fun at all. Why is the author not keeping this thing consistent? It was even mentioned at the start of this very chapter.

Ara and Elesis intercepted Add and kept him away from the rest of the cast.  
"Tch," Add said and left.  
"Everything okay with everyone?" Ara asked worried.  
Elesis looked at Elsword with lust. "My brother, look at how much you've grown," she said.  
Eve yet again pulled a contract signed by Elsword and pointed towards the paragraph, which said, that he shall not have sex with any of the other girls of the cast, especially not his own sister.  
"What is this?! Why would someone voluntarily agree to such a contract?!" Elesis yelled.

Rena sighed and glared at Eve, asking herself, why she even bothered making Elsword sign any contract, and what other paragraphs it consisted of. Did Elsword and Eve really have this special kind of a relationship? It was hard to believe, that he was even interested in any of the girls, as he's that typical Shounen Hero, which should be oblivious to love. Damn, she even had less difficulties with grabbing Elsword, than she herself had with grabbing Raven. What was wrong with this fic?  
Rena opened her mouth, trying to ask her that question, but then suddenly was silenced by Raven's kiss. "What? How?" Rena asked.  
"A bird twittered to him, that he should be more sincere with his feelings towards you," Eve said and winked.


	4. Watch Your Mouth

"Yes, Raven, thrust deeper, hit me with your long, sharp blade," Rena cried, obviously not referring to a sword.  
"I can't hold it back any longer. I'm..." Raven started to declare, that he would soon risk to impregnate Rena as people in Elrios did not know, what condoms were.  
"It's okay if it's you, Raven," Rena said with a smile on her face.  
"I'M COMING! SERIS!" Raven shouted as he had his orgasm. Moments later, he realized... "Oh, wait, Seris is dead, you're Rena..."  
Rena got angry and left still naked, but grabbing her clothes and slamming the door. Raven punched the wall. "What the hell is wrong with me?" he asked himself.

"Okay, what does your magic contract else say about me?" Elsword asked.  
"How should I know? I usually make up its content as I go with it," Eve answered, showing him the current version.  
"Then how come my signature is always already on it?!" Elsword questioned.  
"That may or may not be due to the fact, that I am exceptionally good at imitating your handwriting," Eve said in a low voice, coughing. Elsword started to read the contract. As he already assumed, only being allowed to have sex with Eve was one of the very first parts of it likely to never be removed. Elsword sighed. Not because he disliked any of what he read so far but because he still had what felt like 100 pages to go. Then he started to find the rather peculiar points. "I shall, whenever my mistress requests me to do so, massage gently parts of her body, which she at the time of making said request declares as a source of discomfort to her", he read out loud, then paused.  
"I hope there's nothing wrong with that," Eve said. "While you're at it, can you please massage my feet? They feel somewhat cramped."  
Somewhat displeased by how Eve already forced him into making the decision whether to follow what's in the contract or not without even having read what was written at the time not regarding anything which might follow Elsword hesitated. Eve slowly took of her shoes and her socks and threw them towards Elsword in an attempt to wake him up, but the result was that now one of her socks hung from his spiky hair into his face directly in front of his nose. Elsword took a short sniff before he decided to abide to the contract.

Suddenly the door opened and Rena entered. "Elsword, I need your help with..." Rena started, but then saw how he was starting to give Eve a foot massage. "Oh, is that how it's going to be?!", she asked angrily.  
"Rena, calm down," Eve ordered. "Elsword, stop", she told him before he even started doing anything. Looks like Rena bought him some time to read the contract in more detail.  
"How should I keep calm if Raven thinks he's boning his dead fiancé while he's actually boning ME!" Rena asked furiously.  
"Again, calm down," Eve said and waited for her to do so.  
"How is that bad? His fiancé should still be younger than you," Elsword said. Rena kicked his groin.  
"You are at fault for that, because you told him your true age," Eve commented.

"Anyway, I'm not going to deal with your problem and ignore you while reading the reviews," Eve stated coldly and commanded Elsword to massage her feet. Still in pain Elsword slowly crawled towards her but is interrupted by Rena directing her kicks in his path.  
"If I can't be happy, NO ONE CAN!" Rena said out of character. Or rather showing her true side, which he hid under a smiling facade for over five years.  
"I'm waiting," Eve said, teasing both Elsword and Rena alike. "So, apparently we gained two fans after uploading chapter three, mainly because I'm the only sane person in this fic."  
"You're forcing Elsword into doing whatever you want him to do at the moment and call that SANE? You call yourself SANE?!" Rena asked, forgetting to kick the ground in anger, so that Elsword could advance fast enough to get a grab of Eve's foot, but instead of pleasing her with what he did, he apparently caused her pain, as she started to scream and kicked him away.  
"Oh, sorry," Eve apologized and closed the page. "By the way, Rena, would you mind putting on your clothes?"

Rena screamed and ran away, leaving her clothes with Elsword and Eve and bumping into Raven, tripping over him and falling on the floor, nearly suffocating Raven with her giant chest.  
"Rena, I'm sorry, please don't kill me," Raven tried to shout, but her boobs not only pressed against his mouth making him speechless, but also absorbed the voice coming from him.  
"You should pay attention to what you are doing," Eve said and stepped on Rena, increasing the pressure she exerted on Raven. "Oh my, looks like you got what you wanted", Eve noticed and dropped Rena's clothes onto her before leaving.  
Rena slowly got up to realize, that she had knocked out Raven. She sighed before taking him back into his room and finally, at almost the end of this chapter, putting on her clothes again.

An hour or so later Raven woke up, having been watched by Rena in the mean time. "I'm sorry," he muttered blushing.  
"Raven, I have to apologize!" Rena screamed, shocking him. "I know, that you still grief over Seris and that it's mostly because of how I look like her you get reminded of her, but... but I still got angry at you because you thought of her instead of me. Instead of remaining by your side and help you dealing with your issues, I left because I was irritated. And I also dragged Elsword and Eve into this. I'm such a horrible person." Rena started to shed tears.  
"It's okay. I'm at fault for cheating you in my mind," Raven answered before hugging Rena in an attempt of making her calm down.

Meanwhile Elsword has been chained to a chair by Eve, after he recovered from the kicking Rena and she gave him.  
"What's that supposed to mean?!" Elsword yelled.  
"The contract states, that you should massage me when I'm in pain, not to cause me pain, so you clearly violated it. For that, you need to be punished," Eve said, pulling out a whip.


	5. The Plot Thickens, Right?

Fortunately for Elsword, he socketed enough additional HP and damage reduction (*cough* almost none *cough*) and skilled the right passives, so that he could tank out the angry Eve's lashes. He was already down at 10%, when she suddenly stopped.  
"Did that hurt much?" Eve asked, suddenly worried about Elsword's condition.  
"I'm fine," Elsword answered. Eve then started to tend to his wounds only to find out, that he acted like a little bitch, which he did literally every time in Canon, when he was treated.

Elsword let out a scream so loud that Rena and Raven (who also should not have been that silent) were shocked and put on their clothes again. They immediately rushed to them and asked, "Are you safe?" Both Elsword and Eve stared at them in a confused manner, as it was shown that Eve just applied a band-aid to one of Elsword's many wounds.  
"It appears that Elsword's inability to remain silent during necessary skin repair has caused a misunderstanding," Eve noticed.  
"Why are you back to robo talk?" Rena asked lampshading.  
"Flee while you can, she whipped the hell out of me," Elsword warned them.  
Eve coughed. "Do you remember, who broke our contract?" she asked.  
"You mean the thing you made Elsword sign to have a valid excuse to slap him?" Raven asked Eve.  
"What do you mean? I have absolutely no ill intentions whatsoever," Eve answered.  
Rena and Raven looked at each other, their faces telling them not to interfere in this kind of thing.  
"Talking about ill intentions, have you seen Add?" Eve asked.  
"No, why would you ask?" Rena asked back.

"Inverse matrix! Stupid vector!" Add exclaimed while doing his math homework. Apparently it was about matrices and vectors. "Gah, this would be easier if I could just steal Eve's code!"  
"Need help?" Elesis asked, entering his room without knocking.  
Add had no idea, why he should suddenly be allied with THAT GUY's sister, but if she helped him getting Eve's code, then the goal justified any means.

"SURPRISE BUTTSEX!" Chung yelled, leaping towards Ara and grabbing her from behind.  
"No, please not, I am not prepared for this," Ara tried to resist.  
"My large destroyer will make you prepared," Chung said, before letting her go.  
Ara sighed. "I still am very vulnerable to being surprised," she admitted.  
"I was standing right next to you," Chung reminded her, before using his cannon as a chair and asking her to sit next to him.  
Ara deeply apologized before taking a potion. "How long it will take, until we find my brother?" Ara asked.  
"I'm also right next to you," Ran said, who suddenly was sitting on the same cannon as Ara and Chung.

"There you go, all patched up," Eve said delighted after applying the last band-aid on Elsword.  
"I respect your privacy and knock on your door," Elesis said, knocking on Elsword's door, "yet I use my authority as your older sister and barge in regardlessly." Elesis used Add as her battering ram to break the door open. Much to her anger, she found out that not only Eve was in her room as Add had assumed, but her lips were... her lips... "STAY AWAY FROM MY BROTHER, YOU PLASTIC BITCH!" Elesis – who in this fic had a strong brother complex which was completely not the way fans interpreted their brother-sister relationship – yelled loudly and swang her sword at her to be parried by Elsword in the last second.  
"What are you doing?!" Add yelled. "I need Eve alive to kill her by ripping out her codes," he explained.  
"And I will not let that happen," Eve said back.  
"What you gonna do? Look at the tier list! You are LOWER THAN LOWE! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Add laughed so manically, that he did not notice both Elsword and Eve escaping through the window. Elesis sighed, silently standing next to him and waiting for him to calm down, so that they could follow them.

"Reverse Gravity!" Ran shouted lifting both Ara and Chung into the air. Unfortunately for him, Elsword and Eve happened to run by and notice him taking pantyshots from his little sister.  
"HORNET STING!" Eve shouted whipping out her bazooka and firing a bullet that threw him away due to this fics physics not matching the ingame laws of Stoic Abundancy. Chung and Ara hit the ground hard falling a few meters high, but other than that, they were fine. Eve confiscated the device Ran used to take dirty pictures and erased the contents of its internal memory 34 times.  
"Are you two okay?" Elsword asked. Chung and Ara both moaned in pain.  
"That means they're enjoying it, which you should too next time," Eve said still occupied with the new-found technology. Maybe she should have inspected the other data to see where it came from before purifying it. Then again, she wasn't Add.

In the meantime, Add and Elesis happened to run into Rena and Raven.  
"Oh, I never knew you two were a couple," Rena said and invited them to a double date.  
"WE ARE NOT A COUPLE!" both Add and Elesis yelled, but they were unable to resist Rena's superior shipping techniques and eventually went with them.  
Rena took all of them to a fancy Elven restaurant, that served 14 courses of vegetables, each of them consisting of a single leaf served on a plate much too large for it. The whole dinner costed 500kk ED... for one person.

Near said restaurant was a pretty normal restaurant, which served Velderian cuisine, which consisted of three things: meat, meat and sauce.  
"That sure is a lot of meat," Eve admired the plates that were more than filled with saucy meat.  
"Take as much as you want. It's only 5k per plate and it's all on me," Elsword said. 5k per plate... Considering that Elsword was a knight and therefore wealthy, that would probably be more than Eve could ever eat in her whole life. She digged in and found the meat too tasty to stop. Serving the duo one plate after another, the shop owner got worried that they wouldn't be able to pay at the end or would just leave without paying. But after having eating round 20 of them, both were full and Elsword indeed did pay all of it.  
"Elsword, I'm too full, I can't even walk. You need to carry me," Eve then said.  
"How about some afternoon exercise, now that I found you?" Add asked.


	6. Family Matters

The author managed to pull of a Non Sequitur to the previous chapter's cliffhanger, thereby destroying all of the tension it would have created while placing all of the important characters in a save environment again.  
"Phew, glad that that's over," Eve said.  
"You can thank us," Rena said while winking towards the audience, signaling that she just hinted at what could have happened in the meantime.  
"Oh, I just noticed that we now have two followers," Eve broke the Fourth Wall.  
"Yes, Add and my sister," Elsword continued, acting as if he knew what she talked about.  
"Them as well," Eve said before trying to switch the topic. "So, has anything..."  
"Don't ask," Raven replied before her question could be formulated.

"Oh, so he really did upload them, kek," Add laughed as he browsed a certain webpage used to find special pictures for... purposes.  
"And I thought you were only interested in Eve. Shame on you," Elesis said. Add immediately closed the browser window.  
"I think it would still show in his 'history'... I guess that's what Eve said back then," Ara, the victim in this scenario, said.  
"Well, let's take a look at Add's history then," Elesis said, forcing him to open his browser again. "Bla bla bla descendant of a family that researched Nasods bla bla bla exterminated bla bla bla forbidden secrets bla bla bla slavery bla bla bla mentally unstable..." she read out aloud.

"Ch-Chung, have you seen my panties?" Ara asked troubled, as she wasn't wearing any.  
"No, I did not see anything!" Chung yelled while heavily blushing. Ara pulled her skirt down lower.  
"If someone were to cause a wind around you, what would happen?" the Elemental Master Aisha asked.  
"P-Please don't do that," Ara stuttered before being handed her panties. "How did you find them that fast?" Ara asked in surprise.  
"T-The w-w-wind b-b-b-b-b..." Aisha stuttered heavily blushing, in that moment realizing that she just picked panties out of the air because she could. Was this a sign that she was actually...  
"Never mind," Ara said and pulled them back on.

"Little brother, I missed you," Elesis exclaimed and prepared to hug Elsword. In the last moment, Eve intervened and pushed him to the side, making her hug her instead. "Ouch, that hurts," Elesis noticed.  
"It should. I activated Metal Dust Aura as a defense mechanism," Eve explained.  
"Why are you doing that?" Elsword asked. "She's..."  
"Be not deceived! She may be your sister, but is she a friend to you?" Eve asked.  
"Family members are obviously more important," Elesis said.  
"Not with my semantics," Eve answered.  
"Why are you two fighting? This is not arena!" Rena yelled, pushing both of them away from each other.  
"Gosh, it's always Rena who has to make you calm down," Raven remarked.  
"Rena, Raven, what are you doing here again?" Elsword asked.  
"We casually walked around," Raven responded.

"What is it you wanted from Elsword?" Eve asked.  
"Since when are you allowed to tell me when I can talk to my brother?" Elesis asked.  
"It's printed here in this contract that he signed," Eve said. She handed her a page of it, which was the 5th of 133337.  
"My mistress may deny third parties the right to approach me," Elesis read out aloud. "Why did he agree to this thing again?"  
"Weren't you making these up on a whim?" Elsword whispered to Eve.  
"I still am. Trust me, it's better this way," Eve whispered back.  
Elesis balled up the contract, at least what she had of it, and threw it into the trash can. "This thing is obviously bullshit and you both are stupid for bothering to have such a thing."  
"I'm actually pretty content with the TL;DR," Elsword said.  
"TL;DR: Do what I say and I will show you my 'friendship'," Raven explained.  
"Hey! Our bond of friendship and love is a strong one!" Eve said.  
"Strong enough a reason for Elsword to deal with this stuff," Rena said. "But why do you even need it?"  
"So that I know, how I can make Eve slap me," Elsword said.  
Eve slapped Elsword. "Only I am allowed to talk about our contract."  
"Sorry, forgot that," Elsword said.  
Eve slapped Elsword. "Forgetting parts of our contract violates the contract."

From the word "contract" being mentioned much too often, Luciela R. Sourcream was summoned into the human world.  
"Please, tell me more about your contract. Maybe it contains interesting lines, that I shall add to mine with CIEL!" Lu said.  
"Again, Eve just makes them up as she goes," Elsword explained and got slapped by Eve again.  
"You really like it when I do that, do you?" Eve asked sarcastically.  
"Maybe," Elsword said.  
"Very well. I shall do the same then," Lu said and left again.  
"Phew. At least one here knows how to use doors," Eve said.  
"She teleported away..." Elsword said.

As you may have guessed, he was slapped again shortly after. Elesis could no longer sit back and watch as her brother got abused by a machine and drew her sword. Eve summoned her modules, Moby and Remy, to her side and activated Metal Dust Aura, trying to keep her away. Elesis approached using Dodge and Slash but Elsword blocked the attack.  
"Elsword, no! This is not your fight!" Eve tried to make him stop, but hit after hit, he blocked what his sister wanted to use on Eve.  
"Yes, it is," Elsword said and tried to counter her.  
"Have you forgotten, that I am your sister and therefore stronger than you?" Elesis asked and used Stoic – Strong to repel his attack, throwing him to the floor.

"STOP IT, ALL OF YOU!" Rena yelled. Elesis lowered her sword, but Eve did not lower her aura. She instead helped Elsword getting up and hugged him, causing him to moan in the pain he felt from tiny (or not so tiny if you play KR) particles flying through his body.

"Okay, so you really want to make out with my brother? Fine, have your way with him!" Elesis said and left.


	7. Lu's Plan (Part 1)

And thus Eve had her way with Elsword. After she did, however, both of them simultaneously reached the same conclusion: The events that led to that, were completely ridiculous, most of all...  
"What do we need the contract for again?" Elsword asked.  
"Not sure, I remember wanting an excuse to slap you," Eve responded.  
"But you can already slap me whenever you want," Elsword promised.  
"That's so sweet of you," Eve said, slowly moving towards him for a hug. Elsword did the same, letting himself be embraced by her. They kept that position for a short time before Elsword snapped out of it and changed the topic to what they originally wanted to discuss.  
"How did you even get the idea, that a contract was necessary?" he asked.  
"Well, Lu told me about what she could do to Ciel, and asked me whether I wanted to..." Before finishing her explanation, Eve switched contexts. "Oh my god!" she exclaimed and got up. Readers would now ask for a description of her naked body, but we're going to skip that to state that she used her plasticbending abilities to attract her clothes around her body.  
"Do that again!" Elsword wished.  
"No, we don't have time for that. We have to save Ciel!" Eve yelled, in the same moment killing the process that would have delivered the debug information containing the reason why he was even endangered. Elsword, who had no plasticbending powers and did not wear any magic Nasod clothing, needed to put on his armor the old-fashioned way.  
"Hurry up, how long does it take you to get dressed?" Eve complained.

Meanwhile in Makai, at the Sourcream castle to be exact, Ciel has been chained up by his master, who had already prepared five different kinds of whips, that all looked the same but were still different.  
"Eve had fun with hers when she tried it on Elsword, so this should be exciting," Lu hinted what she was getting at.  
"Stop it, Lu! We share an HP bar! If you hit me, you're hurting yourself as well!" Ciel shouted.  
"SHUT UP, SLAVE!" Lu scolded him at once. "Soooo, which one should I take."

"Quick! We have to get to Makai before Lu does bad things to Ciel!" Eve explained the situation to the rest of the party. Yes, that was the full explanation she gave. Immediately, Add asked for a definition of 'bad', but Eve outright ignored him, as she was still expecting the rest to react.  
"We need to find a way to Makai, don't we?" Ara asked.  
"Yes, why?" Eve answered.  
"Let's beat up Ran until he tells us a way," Chung suggested.  
"NO!" Ara cried.  
"Well, good luck stopping us, I'll hunt him down right now," Chung said and left.  
"WAIT!" Ara yelled and ran after him.  
"Should we bother?" Eve asked rhethorically.

"Chung, stop! You are going to hurt my brother!" Ara yelled while chasing after the heavily armored Guardian, who unexplicably had more movement and jump speed than her. Eve easily flew past both of them, carrying Elsword along with her. Raven, Rena, Add and Elesis sped up to get next to Ara, then matched their pace to hers.  
Meanwhile, Aisha was miles and miles behind. "Stop..." she said and panted, "please... slow down... I'm not... that fast..." she said each fragment of the sentence interrupted by heavy panting. She already used up all the mana she had for teleporting and still couldn't see the others at all.

"Ahahahaha, sister, I already awaited you," Ran laughed evilly to see Elsword and Eve. "Wait, why are you two here?"  
"One ticket to Makai please," Elsword said.  
"The only place you will be going to, is death! Reverse Gravity!" Ran slowly lifted Elsword into the air.  
"Stop that at once!" Eve demanded. But Ran didn't let him go. Eve panicked, as she could not get closer to him herself or she would suffer the same fate. Then she remembered how she hit Ran with her Hornet Sting when Ara was in danger. "JUNK BREAK!"  
Eve's large drills pierced Ran's flesh and created large holes, through which tons of blood flowed out. His magic could no longer be upheld, making Elsword fall to the ground, but Eve was still too exhausted to catch him. The impact he felt while hitting the ground would have been enough to kill... if that was an actual game mechanic. Elsword got up undamaged.  
Chung arrived at the scene to see Ran already dead. Again he could not avenge his father because someone else had to interfere.  
Ara arrived shortly after to see her brother brutally murdered at the hands of a ruthless killing machine, his blood still sticking to her gear.  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Ara yelled, but no one reacted. Chung was too happy seeing Ran dead and although Elsword and Eve felt sorry for her loss, the situation required him to die that way, but they couldn't really tell her that.

"Don't run ahead alone, what did you do?" asked Elesis as she, Add, Raven and Rena appeared.  
"A-A-A-A-Aren, t-t-t-they..." Ara stuttered.  
Elsword used a resurrection stone to bring Ran to life again.  
"And that's why you don't mess with me, when I'm the main character," Eve said.  
"One should never mess with main characters, but how are you one? Look at your stats ingame!" Add tried to correct her.  
"LOOK AT THE FUCKING NAME OF THE FUCKING AUTHOR!" Eve corrected Add. " **I** am clearly the most important character in this fic. In fact, **I** could even get my own chapter. Multiple times in a row. And because **I** am important, this chapter will be longer than the ones before," Eve explained.  
"I'd like to see you prove that," Add provoked her.

"Is everything okay Lu? I warned you not to hurt yourself," Ciel said. Lu had multiple wounds at her arms and legs and maybe even other places, who knows, as did Ciel.  
"W-Why does it hurt everytime I hit you?" Lu asked.  
"I told you! We share an HP bar!" Ciel yelled at her.  
"That's a weak excuse because you don't want me to hurt you!" Lu yelled back.

Ran tried to escape, but was immediately caught by Eve.  
"And now be friendly to your sister, otherwise I will kill you again," the Nasod Queen threatened the Demon Earl.  
"Please don't kill him, though," Ara interjected.  
"We'll see about that," Eve said and pulled out tons of spears, swords, guns, and ammo. "So... which one should I use?"  
"While Eve is searching for the right weapon to threaten you with, could you show us the way to Makai?" Raven asked.  
"Just do Gates of Darkness?" Ran asked rhethorically.  
"kthxbye," Eve said and left with Elsword, leaving all of her weapons on the floor.  
"FINALLY! I can get my hands on some Nasod..." Add started and tried to grab her weapons, but in the next second they were miraculously gone.

Elsword and Eve ran through the next-best dungeon, triggered GOD and went through the portal.  
Add ran through the next-best dungeon, triggered GOD and destroyed the portal as usual. He repeated this process over and over and wondered how long it would take him to get to Makai.  
Raven, Rena, Chung and Ara ran through the next-best dungeon, triggered GOD and went through the portal. Chung and Ara came back shortly after.  
"I should thank my brother!" Ara said before running back to the temple.  
"I should kill her brother," Chung said before chasing after her.  
Elesis teamed up with Add and helped him destroying the portal.

Aisha finally arrived in the Shrine in the Water Temple, completely exhausted.  
"So, did you find, what you were looking for?" Ran asked before he noticed that it was not the other members of the El Party who showed up.  
Aisha panted heavily while asking for the location of the others. Ran informed her, that they were going through the Gates of Darkness to Makai.  
"FUCK IT!" Aisha yelled.

"It appears the number of swears has increased," Eve noticed.  
"Is that..." Elsword changed the topic.  
"Sourcream Castle, also known as Abaddon," Eve said before citing the myths about the long and noble lineage of the Sourcream family.  
Elsword took out a chips can and started eating while listening to her story.  
"And that's how Lu was born," Eve finished. "Are those sour cream and onion?"  
"Yep," Elsword said, eating one of the chips.  
"GIMME!" Eve yelled and threw herself onto him.

Rena and Raven found Elsword and Eve making out while feeding each other with chips.  
"Didn't we get here to save Ciel?" Rena asked.  
Eve got up immediately and readied her guns.  
"It's always astonishing how she can react so fast," Elsword murmured and got up himself, readying his sword. "I will break the door open, step back!"  
With his sword in front of him, Elsword charged at the door, breaking it open.

The door broke open and revealed the scene inside the castle.  
"Oh no, what have I done?" Eve thought while gasping for air.


	8. Lu's Plan (Part 2)

Inside the castle, they saw Lu and Ciel covered in each other's blood, wounds across both of their bodies, Lu's clothes torn and only acting as a bad censor, Ciel's not existing at all. No, not even there.  
"What did you do?" Eve asked. "Answer me!"  
"Exactly what you wanted to do to Elsword," Lu responded.  
"What DID Eve want to do to me?" Elsword asked wondering.  
"Hasn't she told you? It was written all over her face when I talked to her about that," Lu said.  
"Please don't," Eve said.  
"Elsword, please notice me and my emulated feelings for you. Please take a look at my overly sexualized robot body. See these tools? I can use them for all kinds of kinky stuff. Please let me do kinky stuff to you. Notice me! Let me spank that knightly ass of yours. Let me use my whip on you, so that I can feel in control over you. Please massage my feet, so I can step on you. Please don't mind when I slap you, it is just a sign of love. Yes, love. Elsword, I love you and I want to use you however I please for the rest of my life. Please, submit to me and serve me, for I am now your Queen. Yes, I am still the Queen of Nasod, but I obviously have nothing better to do than using you as my personal pleasure device," Lu imitated Eve.  
"That's wrong!" Eve shouted.  
"It is? Which part of it?" Lu asked.  
Eve couldn't answer her question. Of course not. She was being selfish. She did hog Elsword. She did do a lot of kinky stuff to him. She did spank his ass. She did use her whip. She had him massage her feet and she also stepped on him. Slapping him was part of her everyday life. Eve summoned a Nasod Sword. "I... I can't live with this pain. I, as the Queen of Nasod, fell in love with a human and valued his service more than the lives of my own people." Eve readied the sword to pierce herself, but Elsword took the attack for her.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Eve screamed, as Elsword's blood slowly dripped on the floor. It was just a small amount, but the wound she caused was still a grave one.  
"Wow. Way to endanger the life of your loved one," Lu criticized her.  
"What about you? See the things you did to Ciel!" Raven shouted.  
Rena provided Elsword with Full Recovery Potions while Raven tried to seperate him from Eve. Elsword kept clinging to her, as he knew she'd suicide if he let her go. In a final attempt to make the situation even more cheesy, he kissed Eve.  
"CHEESY!" Lu pointed out.  
"Oh, I can already see where this is going. You made Eve do all that, so that you can see what works on humans," Ciel said. "You manipulated her into acting out the wildest BDSM fantasies by saying that Elsword would like it. Then you waited to see how it would turn out to do even worse things to me."  
Eve was shocked, when she realized that she was used for such a reason.  
"It's okay," Elsword said. "After all, you were doing these things out of love."  
"Elsword..." Eve whispered.  
"Eve..." Elsword whispered back.  
Eve kissed Elsword back and slowly pulled the blade out of his body. Blood flowed out of the wound and he soon collapsed.  
"No..." Eve said.

After having used a resurrection stone on Elsword and multiple potions on Ciel, the El Party returned back to normal.  
"I wonder when the promised Raven x Rena will start," Eve narrated her thoughts loudly.  
"Aren't you the one who keeps that from happening?" Rena asked, pointing at Eve's screen time.  
"I'm sorry," Eve apologized.  
"I can help you," Lu proposed.  
"Oh nononononono!" Raven immediately rejected her offer.  
"BUT!" Lu yelled.  
"No buts, we already saw what you did to Elsword and Eve," Rena answered.  
"And I'm still grieving over Seris..." Raven remembered. He went from casually walking alongside his friends to silently crying in a corner within a split-second.

On the other end of GOD, Elesis and Add were still destroying the portal over and over.  
"What a pain in the ass. How long does it take for this thing to do something useful?" Add asked himself.  
"I have no idea. Maybe we should ask Elsword and Eve?" Elesis suggested.  
"We're still chasing them, did you forget?" Add reminded her.

Aisha finally arrived at her own instance of GOD and defeated the demons that were coming out. At one point she noticed that they had stopped, even though the gates were not yet destroyed. She readied herself for a forced disconnect, but nothing of the sort happened.  
"Strange..." Aisha said before taking a peek through the portal. "W-Why are Elsword and the rest there?" She took yet another peek to confirm it was really them. She felt the strong need to go in as well, but at the same time something kept her back. Like a strong fear of what lies behind the portal. Surely, the demons that wanted to invade Elrios had to be on the other side as well, how did Elsword and the rest fight that many?  
"Coming through!" Elsword yelled going through the portal and appearing before Aisha.  
"My, my, you are very lively again," Eve said slowly walking through the portal.  
Rena and Raven went through the portal without words, silently averting their eyes from each other while blushing.  
"CIEL! DID YOU SEE THAT? WE WENT THROUGH A PORTAL!" Lu yelled, apparently back in her child form. Although she had the body of a child all along, her mind went places while she was in Makai.  
"Yes, I saw that," Ciel replied.

With that issue resolved, Lu decided to not use violence against Ciel for foreplay. It suited Elsword and Eve much better.  
Eve on the other hand was still ashamed because of what she did.  
"It's okay," Elsword said. "You can do that again anytime."  
"But I hurt you," Eve replied. "I don't want to hurt you."  
"We all know you want," Lu said. Eve got mad at her and summoned a machine gun, but Elsword kept her back.  
"It's okay," he said once again.  
"I should probably try reviving the Nasod race," Eve switched topics.  
"I will help you," Elsword said. "And so will the rest of us."

"Can we now please get to the Rena x Raven?", Eve asked.


	9. Not according to script

"Writing this became a lot easier after the author set up some useful markdown-mode hooks," Eve yet again broke the fourth wall completely out of context.  
Raven coughed, showing that he and Rena needed the attention now.  
"Oh, right, sorry," Eve apologized before pulling out a large stack of paper.  
"What is that for?" Elsword asked.  
"I compiled a script for them," Eve explained and handed the stack over.  
Rena and Raven took a hard look at what she wrote, turning the pages slowly. Eve fumbled around, somewhat in fear that they disliked what they read.  
"When do we get to the actual content?" Rena asked.  
"W-What do you mean?" Eve asked back.  
"The script. It's empty," Raven explained.  
Eve's face reddened. "Can I tell you something between us?" she asked rhethorically before whispering a secret. "I can't compile scripts. Only interpret them."

After Eve showed them the uninterpreted script, they were even more confused. Some lines where indented, some where not, brackets and quotation marks were heavily overused, lots of hashes with sometimes descriptive sometimes less descriptive text mixed in between. How would anyone be able to read such a thing?  
"Ehhh... Eve, what is this?" Rena asked kindly.  
"A script," Eve replied. "It sets a nice playlist in mpc and starts playing softly, while you prepare..."  
"I don't think I want to know what you're preparing", Raven cut her off.  
Rena took Raven's hand (his human one) and pulled him towards her, making it touch her breast. "We don't need that script, we can have fun by ourself", she said to Raven.  
"Y-Yes," Raven replied.

Clothes flew through the air as Raven and Rena hastily undressed themselves before jumping into a bed that would make squeaky noises. A violin began to play quietly.  
"Eve, could you please leave?" Raven begged of her.  
"But I want to watch!" Eve replied.

Eve was quickly thrown out of the room to be caught by Elsword, who already knew that they wanted to be alone and therefore left before.  
"I... wanted to watch," Eve said with tears in her eyes.  
"It's okay," Elsword said.  
Soon they heard a familiar voice shouting "Raven, Raven, yes, Raven" over and over.

Raven was very well known for his quick thrusting technique. His 30% attack speed were admired by the ladies, who were paralyzed as he moved like a flash, delivering stabs to their womb at enormous frequency. The match was over within 50 seconds. Raven released all he had in Rena, who was already panting heavily because of her own exhaustion.  
Exhausted himself, Raven lied next to Rena. She then used this opportunity to get the upper hand herself.  
"Round two," Rena said, sitting on the exhausted warrior.  
Raven tried to escape, as he still needed rest to recover, but he found himself entangled by his elven lover.  
"Take it easy," Rena said. "No need to take out all of your +10 equipment right off the bat. In fact, you can leave everything off. It's more fun when the fight lasts longer", she explained to him.  
Raven was dumbfounded after hearing these words. All his training was for naught, if it meant that he couldn't actually use any of it on Rena.  
Slowly and gently, Rena started kicking against his lower body. Raven let out screams of pain, as she was gradually increasing the force she put into each of them.

Raven's screams echoed throughout the building, in which Elsword an Eve still were.  
"I thought Raven was on the top..." Elsword said to himself.  
"He was. Now he's not. It seems swordsmen like being on the bottom," Eve said.  
Elsword knew, that it was just a joke, but it still felt as if Eve had pierced his heart with a spear.  
"Anyway, as they are busy, I can take my time reading the reviews." Noticing a review that came 2 hours after the story update, Eve wondered, who would voluntarily keep up to date on this story – or even worse comment on it.

While Rena and Raven where having fun and Elsword and Eve talked about stuff that could be fun, we forgot two important characters, that in this fic were no fun at all: Elesis and Add.  
Add devised yet another diabolic plan to snatch Eve's core and get her code.  
"All fine and well, but how do you invent Time Travel?" Elesis asked.  
"Huh?" Add reacted aggressively.  
"How do you invent Time Travel? Has your lunacy already driven you that crazy?" Elesis specified her question once more.  
"But I don't have to invent Time Travel. I already did. The answer lies in the Cash Shop," Add explained. "Just you see."

Raven came a second time after Rena repeatedly jump stomped him. Now it stood 1:1. For the next match, he decided to do something different.  
Using a class change ticket, Raven's hair immediately grew spikier and started to show white spots. His arm transformed from a chunk of metal covered by cloth to a claw akin to that of a dragon's. Lastly, his wolf fur coat got replaced by a revealing leather outfit, that allowed Rena to gaze upon his newly gained muscles.  
"It's time... for RECKLESS FISTING!" Raven yelled.

"Ahahahaha, Eve, give me your codes!" Add shouted as he invaded Rena's and Raven's bedroom.  
"I told you it's not going to work," Elesis said appearing behind him.  
"Raven! That hurts! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Rena screamed in pain, but also in pleasure.  
Raven quickly pulled out his arm and saw that her blood was mixing with other juices. Juices that showed how much she enjoyed it. Nonetheless, she was still bleeding, which made him worry.  
"It's okay, Raven. It's normal for a woman to bleed through that," Rena tried to calm him down, as she already knew the guilt he felt.  
Raven turned around to face Add and Elesis.  
"People who don't knock make me angry," he announced.  
"What are you going to do? Fist me?" Add provoked Raven.  
Raven charged a punch and thrusted forward into Add's direction.

"What the?! I don't want to eat Elsword!" Eve yelled.  
"Eat me? Do I even taste?" Elsword asked.  
"I don't know of any females who want to taste that," Eve answered. She slowly went up to him and silently restrained his movements before throwing him onto a conveniently placed bed.  
"Taste what? What's going on?" Elsword asked.  
Eve let her panties fall to the floor from below her skirt. Only she knows how she did that, but she somehow managed to do so. "If you really want to experiment, you can eat me," she said with a wide grin on her face.


	10. Food you would kill for

Having learned a new meaning for the verb "to eat" – and possibly a detail about Eve's human language interpreter, that could have been helpful, had he not forgotten it immediately after – Elsword was still hungry. Not for the juice she somehow was able to produce with her love, but for something with meat, preferably a Velder Chocobo Wing. Elsword took a look in the fridge, but unfortunately there were no Velder Chocobo Wings there.  
"Why did the Velder Chocobo Wings run out in a crucial situation like this?" Elsword complained, narrating part of what already had been established.  
"How would you make this a major plot point later, if the issue was easily resolved within 2 minutes?" Eve asked rhethorically.

As part of a major plot point, Elsword and Eve went into the Velderian Hunting Fields to hunt down some Velder Chocobo. After having successfully slain a few dozen of these supersized chickens, they returned to the house they stayed at, whose interior design was until now never described.  
Eve went straight towards the kitchen (no jokes) and started at once with preparing dinner.  
Once they smelled the Chocobo getting roasted, the rest of the party slowly started gathering around the grill. Especially Add.  
"Could someone please remove that nuisance?" Eve asked.  
"Who? Me?" Add asked back.  
After all, Add still wanted to tear Eve apart for her codes, something most of the others didn't want to see, herself included. Elsword grabbed Add and pulled him away from Eve, only to have a fight with him starting.

"You think you're better than me? You think you can simply get between me and her?" Add asked.  
"I AM already between you and her," Elsword explained. The camera shifted its position to reveal that indeed Elsword was positioned nearer to Eve than Add and also in the same direction from her as him.  
"Elsword, don't do anything stupid," Eve warned him.  
"We'll see about that. Pulse Cannon!" Add yelled already in Configuration Mode. After firing 8 electrical bullets at Elsword, he teleported towards him, starting his Nasod Armor Combo.  
"He did something stupid," Eve said to herself before throwing an Assault Spear at Add, pinning him to the wall.

Roasted Chocobo was prepared by Eve and although she found it difficult at first to prepare a meal suitable for human taste, it turned out pretty well.  
"I never knew you could cook!" Aisha praised her.  
"I still have to remind that one time, when we..." Elsword started, but was interrupted by a slap from Eve. She didn't want the rest of the party to recall THAT incident.  
"Hey, can I have some of that?" Add asked, still stuck to the wall.  
"You tried to kill me, so you can starve to death," Eve responded.  
"Isn't that a bit harsh? Let's just starve him until he suffers enough to make a pact with a Demon Lord," Aisha commented. Suddenly, the party came to realize, how her outfit has changed, and how slim she was herself. With Angkor's symbols decorating her clothes, it was clear, that she had made a change to Void Princess, although it was unclear what made her change.

On the topic of job changes, things seemed a bit off not only with Aisha. Raven still showed the arm he used for Reckless Fisting, Add changed to Diabolic Esper and back, and Elesis had a pretty dark aura around her, which was not present before.  
"This food tastes horrible, it doesn't nearly have enough blood," Elesis complained. She got up before freeing Add. "You can have my leftovers," she said to him and left.  
"Looks as if I'm not going to die _that_ early, kekeke," Add laughed.  
Eve pulled out a machine gun and shoved it into Add's face. "Is that so?" she asked.  
"Hey, Eve, calm down!" Elsword yelled and held her back.  
"He tried to kill me AND you, and that's your reaction?" Eve questioned Elsword's logic before slapping him across the face.  
"How cute," Add said to himself quietly, but still loud enough for the others to hear.  
"I'm sorry, but I have to take Eve's side here," Rena said and made her breasts build a barrier between Eve and Add. Inspired by her moral courage, Raven also took her side. As four against one would not turn out well with what little HP he had left at the moment, Add retreated.

Eve thanked Raven and Rena for helping her.  
"Shouldn't you also thank Elsword?" Raven asked.  
Eve fidgeted around. In her rage back then, she really thought that she would be better off, if he was dead. Maybe she was wrong and murder was not a solution, but she still feared him killing the people around her for worse reasons. "I'm sorry", she finally apologized to Elsword, not going into detail. Needing some time for herself, she also got up and went to her room. After all, that's where she'd be the least likely to be stalked by Add, right?

"Pervert!" Eve screamed and moments later a male scream could be heared as well, slowly fading as blood started to flow from her room to the hall. Eve rushed outside, herself surprisingly not even having a single drop on her, but for some reason crying.  
She ran straight into Elsword's arms, who wondered what had happened, but did not say a word as he was trying to calm her down with a simple hug. Eve on the other hand, was unable to tell him, what she had just done.  
As everyone in the house was alarmed by her voice itself and it came from her room, Rena and Raven were yet again interrupted, when they **really** wanted to do something else and had a look at what happened. A few seconds later, they also came rushing towards Elsword.  
"EVE, WHAT DID YOU DO!" Rena yelled at her.  
"I... I killed she," Add whispered.  
"You killed Add?!" Elsword asked shocked.  
"He startled me, so I panicked and pierced him with my spears!" Eve tried to excuse herself.

Meanwhile, somewhere else in Velder, the sound of a character model spawning could be heared.  
"Thank God that resurrection stones are a thing, that exists," Add said to himself.  
"Wouldn't it be better if you thanked me for using them?" Elesis asked.

"Oh, hey, the auther also added some nice formatting twice this time. Seems like he's really putting effort into this again", Eve commented a not really present improvement.  
"Eve, don't try to change the topic that simply! You still killed a person!" Elsword reminded her.  
Eve sulked.


	11. Alignment

Elsword held a long lecture about how killing people was bad, while still defending the genocide against Nasod, Demons, Dark Elves, Fire Spirits, other Demons, Ancient Nasod, Water Spirits, Trax, Harpies, Wind Spirits, yet again other Demons, whatever Ranox had in that first dungeon, Dwarves, some machines which weren't Nasod, Mermaids and Demons. And apparently Nasod again, but newer Nasod.  
"We sure kill a lot of Demons," Eve concluded.  
"That's not the point! The point is, that you shouldn't kill humans, especially allies!" Elsword tried to bring a train headed straight into Off Topic back on track.  
"And what about Nasod?! It would be fine if he killed me, is that what you're trying to say? Remember Altera?!" Eve asked in a frustrated rage, almost ready to rampage but still keeping it down thanks to some magic.  
"N-No, I w-wasn't..." Elsword tried to apologize. How could he forget Add's motive? How were they even able to downplay that conflict for the sake of the party? Eve apparently suffered a lot under the fear that one day Add would destroy her to advance whatever sinister project he had.  
"I'm sorry as well," Eve said. "I really don't want to drag you into this."  
"Don't worry, I'll help you," Elsword promised. "After all, you're my friend."  
"Friend..." Eve repeated.

"With Elsword and Eve preocuppied with whatever they do right now, we should probably think about this stuff as well," Raven said, trying to sound smart while not really having a clue, what was going on back then. He never knew, that their hatred to each other was that great.  
"Let's for starters do away with the corpse, so that no one notices," Rena proposed. After all, they could still be charged for murder if someone found out about that.  
Raven and Rena went to Eve's room, where they suspected Add's corpse to be, but it was miraculously gone. When Rena realized, that his body must have moved on its own, she screamed.  
"GHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSTS!"  
Raven tried to keep his composure, but followed shortly after.  
"GHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSTS!"

"Toast?" Eve asked Elsword, who was hungry again and asked for some toast.  
"Toast," Elsword replied.  
They both heard Rena and Raven screaming "ghosts" and running towards them.  
"Toast?" Eve asked Rena and Raven.  
"Add has vanished!" Rena cried and then explained how this was linked to supernatural phenomena.  
"How irrational. Ghosts don't exist!" Eve yelled. "There has to be a rational cause for his disappearance."

"I guess it's time for Plan B..." Add said to himself, wondering what Plan B could possibly... be. That was an incredibly bad pun.  
"Oh, you still have those up on your sleeve?" a half naked Crimson Avenger asked.  
"Would you mind putting on some clothes?" Add asked back, trying to keep Fanservice and possible shipping material at a minimum, but as he was not a Diabolic Esper right now, he could not simply travel back in time to revert that.  
"How about you put off that Nasod Armor of yours instead?" Elesis flirted with him.

Then they undressed and had sex.

"Yay, Highlighting!" Eve proclaimed joyously jumping and spinning around.  
"Elsword?" Rena quickly demanded an explanation.  
"This is the part, where she will mention something, that we can not know of and will not understand," Elsword already knew.  
"I'm pink, you are pink, and Rena and Raven are also pink," Eve said.  
"Wait, I'm pink?" Raven asked.  
"Yes, for you are a protagonist of this fic," Eve responded.  
"Wow... I never knew I was this important." Raven was a bit flustered and decided to cure himself by glaring at Rena. If they were both pink, then that'd mean, that she was a protagonist as well. What would protagonists do normally in such a situation?

For the record, Chung was blue.

"And half a day later, the author also figured out how to keep that," Eve added.  
"Keep what?" Rena asked again for an explanation to a statement, that had no explanation. At least none, that would make any sense to her.  
"I'm blue!" Chung yelled, apparently having been informed by Eve.  
"B-But I'm also blue," Ara complained. It seemed that everyone knew the colour palette Eve had in mind.

About a week or so passed without anyone doing anything relevant to the plot or even funny, even though the author still struggles to find either for the last few paragraphs as well.  
"Add is purple," Eve said. Aisha then played on a piano dramatically. "I'm talking about highlights, not clothes."  
"No one knows, what you're talking about," Elsword said.  
"You really need professional help," Rena tried to convince Eve to go to a real psychotherapist, but whenever she mentioned them Eve in turn said, she was fine with `M-x doctor'. Elsword would then ask what that was, not understand the response she gave, and be happy to move the topic on to something else, which was not completely outside of his realm of knowledge, or back to what was discussed previously.  
"Talking about Add..." Elsword cut off her explanation.  
"Elesis is also purple," Eve said.  
"Big sis? But... how?!" Elsword was perplexed at this revelation.  
"Highlighting is by alignment," Eve stated, "and your sister seems to be on his side."  
"She is not the only one," Eun said.  
"Lord Eun, please don't do that!" Ara complained.  
"Enough Time Trouble references, I actually don't want to die, thank you," Eve interrupted her monologue.  
"So? You think you're a match to him otherwise?" Eun asked. "Pay attention to the leaderboard for once. You'll find that you're still below him, even after the renewal." After Eun had said that, she began to laugh maniacally.  
"What you're trying to say is that I need a Rena to curbstomp him?" Eve asked rhethorically.  
"Hey, since when am I your pawn?" Rena objected the idea of serving Eve that way.  
"We already took her side before? Why should we change our minds now?" Raven argued.  
"But the way she goes about this, is just..." Rena said.  
"I'm sorry," Eve said, "I should not have worded it that way. I apologize."  
"Fine then," Rena agreed to help Eve. She readied her bow. "GUIDE ARROW!"

Will Guide Arrow hit Add from that distance? Find out next chapter.


	12. Wasting MP, CRPs and res stones

Having just lost his virginity to the sister of the friend of the girl he's stalking (or at least trying to stalk), the moment he came Add had a brilliant idea on how to obtain what he wanted. Elsword was a siscon, both in official work and in fanfictions, it would be stupid to not include that fact into his calculations. If he managed to make Elsword mad at him for having slept with Elesis, maybe Add could arrange a deal in which he traded her for Eve. With that in his mind, Add began to laugh.  
"I'm glad you had your fun," Elesis said with a smile more akin to a rape face. Yes, she was an top, not Add. And she continued forcing him to cuddle with her until he was able to do it again.  
"Shit!" Add thought to himself. Was he really able to make such a deal, if he was not the one leading? If she was the one controlling everything? Add could not connect the dots, as she pressed her body against his, making it increadibly hard to think clearly while making something else increadibly hard as well.

Rena took a look out of the window to see what path her Guide Arrow would take. She made sure to wish it to hit its opponent, which is usually the only thing required to make it work, but she wondered, whether Add would be within her range and be counted as opponent. Soon, the arrow left her field of view, making it impossible to be tracked.  
Eve sighed, having seen the same thing. "So... other than wasting 200 MP, what shall we do about Add?" she asked.  
"Don't worry, I'm a fast charger and we should also have some CRPs lying around," Rena downplayed the issue.  
"Right now he's not close enough to even be a threat. Let's save them for our next encounter," Elsword suggested and everyone agreed.

On the next day, when Add casually took a walk through the town, an arrow pierced him and he died immediately. The news about his miraculous death spread incredibly fast and even the best of detectives were unable to even remotely come up with a plausible cause. With magic as an everyday thing, murder investigation was bound to be difficult, but according to eye-witnesses, there has not even been a mage near him when he passed away.  
"He will not be gone for long," Eve said. "Whoever resurrected him after I killed him back then will likely do it again," was her reason to believe so.  
"And if they don't?" Elsword asked. He and Eve then began to wonder what reason there could be to not use more than one stone on him.  
Meanwhile Raven was worried, that Rena could get suspected as the killer. She WAS the killer for fuck's sake, so why would someone think it doesn't get found out sooner or later? That's how it always works.

In the end Chloe, who heard Rena shouting "GUIDE ARROW", sold her out for 5 ED.  
"5 ED?! How could she?!" Rena was shocked, but Vanessa, who held the trial for some reason, did not want to hear any of that.  
"I know that you and your party have an awful lot of resurrection stones," Vanessa pointed out.  
"So if I just revive him, everything's okay?" Rena asked.  
"We still want to know why you shot your arrow in the first place," Vanessa said.  
"Ehehe, that's a loooooooooooooooooooong story," Rena said.

The murder eventually got passed off as a glitch, but Vanessa was still suspicious whether that's what actually happened or someone else had a hand in this. Someone with the skill to implement that kind of thing... who could that be?  
"I'm so glad you are back", said Raven after Rena returned from the interrogation.  
"Just as planned", Eve smirked at the same time.  
"Is something wrong, Eve?" Rena asked.  
"What? No, everything's fine," Eve quickly hid what she was doing.  
"Is that so? Where is Elsword?" Rena asked further in an attempt to get her to confess.  
"Recovering," Eve stated simply. Rena did not want to know from what exactly, so that was fine...  
"From what exactly?" asked Raven, completely interfering with her calculations.

Just then, Elsword arrived at the scene and the topic was dropped. He sat next to Eve, while Rena sat next to Raven, then starting to explain what happened.  
"I already concluded before, that you will not need to revive him," Eve said.  
"But Vanessa told me to," Rena explained.  
"Add is no longer dead. His body went missing again," Elsword told Rena and Raven what they have found out in the meantime.  
"Wouldn't it be removed sooner or later for burying reasons?" Raven appealed to Elsword's common sense.  
Eve coughed before Elsword did the same. Neither had that in mind.  
"So, where is Add now?" Rena asked.

It was too late to search for add, for he was already found... by Eun.  
"Girl doesn't want me to talk about Light Novel, but I figured boy would not mind," Eun commented.  
"What are you even talking about," Add questioned her use of pronouns.  
"You see, girl has other boy, who she likes and rather wants to be with, but unlike boy, other boy has no interest in doing things, which will kill girl," Eun explained.  
"Can you please refer to us using our names?" Add spoke for tens of readers.  
"Why did boy get angry now? I was just restating the current situation," Eun replied.  
"Get away from me, I have more competent help, at least language-wise," Add pushed her away and started searching for Elesis.

And he searched.

And he searched.

After hours of search, Add finally found Elesis... hugging an Add pillow. "Missed me?" he interrupted her caressing of the soft, fluffy object substituting his body.  
"Trust me, you don't want to know how much," Elesis responded.  
"How much?" Add asked with a slight hint of fear in his voice.


End file.
